On not loving Christmas

Now that it's over, I feel free to say this: I don't love Christmas. It's nowhere near my favorite holiday. I'm a full-time working mom who already feels guilty about everything, so throw in advent calendars and holiday decorating and crafts and baking - none of which I have time or energy for - and I feel like more of a parental failure than normal. I tend to only like Christmas songs that are in a minor key, and none of that crap from the 1940s and 50s that we as a nation seemed to have latched onto as part of the holiday canon. (If I have to hear about chestnuts or Parson Brown one more f-ing time, I'm going to Barbados. Come get me when it's back in the 70-degree range here and radio stations have ceased playing "Santa Baby.") And if you decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving, you are dead to me. 

Lest you think I'm a horrible Grinch, I don't hate everything about Christmas. Here is what I do no despise:

* Jesus - This is actually my favorite part. The idea that the king of kings became like us in the most humble of circumstances so he could experience what we do and then save us all. I love the candle-light Christmas service my church does reminding us all of this. I love the beautiful Christmas hymns we sing.

* Giving really thoughtful gifts to people I love and care about.

* Being with my family and extended family. I really do enjoy time with MY parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. They're smart and funny and generally don't spend a lot of time talking about their medical conditions.

* Sweets. My grandma used to make a whole tray of Christmas cookies and candies on Christmas Eve, to include at least three kinds of fudge. It was amazing. One year I had gestational diabetes over Christmas and could eat like one cookie, so I might as well have just stayed in bed. As I have previously stated, pregnancy is among the least-magical things I have experienced. (Unless you think a pelvis that separates in the back is magical.)

That said, here are some of the reasons I don't care much for Christmas:

* "Oppressed" Christians - The people with the "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" signs (yup, there's one in our neighborhood) who get all offended by "happy holidays" and demand nativity scenes on their town squares. When you go to prison for having a Bible, then we can talk. And did you know that if you rearrange the letters in Santa it spells Satan? (I heard that one at church camp as a young'un.)

* Ungrateful, entitled children (to include my own) - I spent a good part of the last week getting Christmas dinners to needy people through some things I helped set up at work. I went into some of their homes. The kids of one immigrant family told me they don't eat on the weekends. Then I offered to let my older kid open a present on Christmas Eve, but it wouldn't be a toy. He screamed that all he wanted was Legos and he hated me and Christmas. Then he stormed into his room and slammed the door. It did not conjure warm yuletide feelings within me. (It was a book and he asked me to read it with him at least four times the following day.) 

* It's the most solsticey time of the year - If you have ever struggled with depression or anxiety, this time of the year and the lack of daylight truly sucks. Something about the sunlight makes our brain's serotonin levels happy, and without it, emotional darkness just seeps in. In my line of work, I've seen how many more suicides happen this time of year, and it's not insignificant. And here in the Midwest, it's cold, but it rarely snows on Christmas. So you're stuck inside in the cold darkness, and your bored kids can't even go sledding. 

* Pinterest-perfect Christmas people - If you read this blog regularly, you know I'm not a Pinterest person. I'm not crafty, I do not enjoy baking and I have no desire to make anything shabby chic. Therefore, be it out of envy or disdain, I don't like the people who do these things. I wanted a pretty, coordinated Christmas tree, but instead we must display every single ornament my husband made in preschool up to what he has accrued to the present day because he and his family keep EVERYTHING. I also know people who decorate even their bathrooms for Christmas. Ain't nobody got time for that. And I'm wiping my hand on the Santa towels because WHAT IS THE POINT OF DECORATIVE TOWELS? If a towel is not intended to dry hands, frame it, don't put it in the bathroom. 

* Inflatable yard decor - It looks like a cartoon genocide during the daytime.

* Finding a place for all the toys for one's already spoiled children. 

* I am super white and have never once been invited to an ugly sweater party. What gives? White people love that stuff. Am I not cool enough? I don't have an ugly sweater, but I feel I deserve such a party invitation. I have lots of ugly Christmas socks.

So, with all of my grumpiness, what is my favorite holiday, you may ask? It's the Fourth of July. A warm summer night that stretches on forever. Running through sprinklers and water balloon fights. Barbecues and popsicles. The thrill a professional fireworks show sends surging through my veins. No worries about where I'm going to fit all the toys. Just warmth, burgers and blowing things up. (But not in urban areas and/or residential neighborhoods. Don't get me started on the issues I have with those people.)