I'm not taking off my shoes

Aw, what a nice Pinterest-y way to be a jackass.

I’ve always thought asking people to take their shoes off at your house was pretty rude. Should I put them through a scanner and get a TSA pat-down, too? What about my pants - can I keep them on? They’ve been exposed to the outside, and I might sit on your furniture and transfer a pollen grain that blew onto my butt.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an animal. If it’s wet, snowy, muddy or I have been tramping through a wooded area (the latter of which is pretty unlikely because I am not outdoorsy), of course I’ll take my shoes off inside, and I would expect my visitors to do the same. But in day-to-day comings and goings, come on in and let your feet stay warm and happy in your shoes. 

Have you ever been to a party where everyone had to take off their shoes? And then you have to dig through the repositories of everyone else’s foot sweat to find each piece of your own footwear? That’s not the last impression I want to leave on my guests when they leave my party: “I had a great time, but then I had to spend four minutes digging through a pile of shoes that smelled of old popcorn to find my left flip-flop. I couldn’t even remember what was being celebrated after that experience.” 

If you’re worried about your carpet getting dirty, then you shouldn’t have carpet that light in color. It’s incompatible with living. We recently replaced ours. It’s now a light brown and camouflages pretty much everything while still looking fabulous. With the previous carpet that came with the house, you could see where our cat barfed three years ago despite numerous stain-removing attempts. Now, they can go on a bulimic hairball spree, and no one will ever be the wiser. I also have a toddler. He likes to stick his hand in his mouth while there’s still food in it and then spread that partially chewed food all around. In other words, he does disgusting things. He hasn’t developed a sense of what is gross yet, and I’m certain our carpet will be part of that nasty learning process. So why in God’s name would it be white? (I’m not filthy, I still Resolve when necessary and steam clean every other year or so. But for those stains that won’t ever come out? You’ll never be able to see them on my light brown wonderfulness.)

“But the Japanese always take their shoes off,” you say. They also worship cartoon characters with nightmarish eyes and don’t eat cheese. Is that really a culture we want to emulate? 

Others argue it’s to avoid germs and allergens. Maybe they wouldn’t be so sickly and in need of avoiding all that if they weren’t raised in a sterile, shoeless box. You need exposure to allergens and germs to build a good immune system, especially as children. Those who don’t have enough exposure are scientifically proven to have poorer health, more autoimmune disease and allergy problems. (Google “hygiene hypothesis” to see what I mean.) Some people who I love dearly grew up in houses that were shoeless, vacuumed daily and constantly bleached. They are now allergic to everything and catch every bug that goes around. That's why I'm happy to let my kiddo crawl around on carpet that is regularly shoed upon. 

On a selfish note, I am cold for about 75 percent of my waking hours. My overall body temperature is usually directly related to to the temperature of my feet. When our air-conditioning was broken, I would run my tootsies under cold water before bed. It left me feeling cool all over and refreshed. The rest of the time, I am fighting to keep my feet warm enough so the rest of me doesn’t have to go put on a robe to maintain a 98.6. If I have to take my shoes off, especially in winter, I immediately go cold all over. Isn’t it rude to make your guests uncomfortable like that? 

If you disagree with me, then go enjoy that anime and take some more of your Benadryl.