At the same time I sunk another year into my 30's, we got an intern in my office. She is beautiful, smart, 21 years old and wants to change the world. She wants to be an environmental policy analyst and protect the planet. I used to have dreams like that, too. I also was once a cute, wide-eyed, idealistic college student and intern with dreams of equality for all peoples, eliminating poverty, world peace and stuff. Now, my biggest dream is a good nap. Or eating cheesecake without thigh consequences.
You see, there’s a big difference between your early 20's and your early 30's. Priorities change. Incomes change. Digestions change. Even wanting to change the world changes. Marriage, kids, careers and bodily decay can wear on you. I think life changes more between your early 20's and early 30's than in any other decade.
Changing the world
College students protest stuff all the time. They’re just so darn full of vim and vigor about everything from stopping racism to getting clean drinking water for all. Because they just learned about all of it. They just got out of their parents’ houses, and their professors told them about the injustices in the world, and they are shocked by it. I remember this happening to me. I took a class on women in Islam, and I learned about female genital mutilation. I was ready to get on a plane to Africa that second to talk to everyone carrying out the atrocious practice and persuade them to stop. I was only stopped by my lack of funds. Knowing nothing about African culture or language was no hindrance. (I also wanted to find loving families for all homeless cats. I volunteered with animal rescue groups for a couple of summers to do that.)
But in the ensuing decade, I learned I had to pick my battles. (And that I could really only handle two cats.) I was running out of time and energy to fight every injustice. The hardest battle I fight now is getting my toddler to eat anything with protein in it. This is not to say I’ve given up on everything. I still give money to causes I’m passionate about and support them however I can. But it’s a lot harder to volunteer your time when you have to find a babysitter first.
Career idealism
I once was a newspaper reporter intent on rooting out corruption and exposing evil. I did that for a while. It was exhausting. And it paid a mere pittance. I was seriously making $12 an hour when I started. And this was at a pretty good-sized daily newspaper. I often worked 60-hour weeks and was on call 24/7. But I was determined to keep at it because I was telling the stories of the real people. Of the disenfranchised. I was covering grisly crimes, too, and it was exciting. Until I couldn’t pay my car insurance anymore. And I realized most janitors made more money.
Like our intern, so many early 20's folks graduate college with the idea that the career they prepared for will be meaningful, interesting, make them happy and pay well. Good luck on that one, kids. I guess I’m pretty lucky in that regard, though. In my current job, I’ve helped find bad guys and missing people, get help for crime victims and other needy folks and build positive relationships between law enforcement and the community they serve, all while getting to use my writing skills. I’m not making a mint, but I’m comfortable, and when you get to your 30's, you realize that’s one of the best things you can hope for.
Money
Most early 20-somethings are willing to live like paupers, subsisting on crappy food and living in crappy apartments. I lived in the “new immigrant” part of town (the apartment itself wasn’t bad, though) and ate the Aldi version of Hamburger Helper for four days straight. I shopped at thrift stores (which is now totally cool among the hipster crowd, among whom it’s become difficult to determine who is hipster and who is homeless). Even though I had so little moolah, I had to travel to Europe. I don’t regret it for a second. But spending a big chunk of my income on world travel has really fallen down the priority scale nearly a decade later. Now I have to do stuff like paying a mortgage, buying replacement windows and contributing to a pension. It’s so adulty and so not as cool as seeing castles. But, now I can do things like buy new pants whenever I want without having to worry if I can still pay the electric bill. So there’s that…
Your body
Things ache more. Injuries last longer. You have to start taking medicine for things like acid reflux. Your metabolism has come to a grinding halt. The jocks you went to high school with and crushed on have now chubbed out and balded. Maybe you have, too. I’ve fought it so hard (the chubbing, not the balding). I used to eat whatever I wanted and never gained an ounce. I have to exert willpower all the time now - denying myself untold deliciousness - and work out just so I can have a damn donut once in a while without having to go up a pants size.
Your social life
Early 20’s: “Yeah, friends, let’s get together this weekend! We can go to that concert, then afterward we’ll come back to your place and drink for a while. Can I just crash there afterward? Then after we wake up at noon, let’s go to the farmer’s market and catch a matinee of that new indie flick.”
Early 30’s: “Well, I’d really love to hang out, but I went into work early today, and I’m really tired. Plus my son has to be in bed between 7:30 and 8 p.m. or else he gets really cranky. And even if we did get a sitter, he’ll wake up at like 6:30 tomorrow morning, so we can’t really stay out late. … No, the afternoon’s not good either. He naps then. So do we. And in the morning we have to go to Home Depot to look for plumbing fixtures.”
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