I have this untreated disorder for which science hasn’t come close to finding a cure. I don’t know that they’ve even tried. I might try to set up a foundation for research. We would do 5Ks and luncheons with celebrity keynote speakers and send people address labels with the foundation’s logo on them.
Since modern medicine has not formalized the diagnosis, I call my disease CWAD (I’d like to think it’s pronounced see-wad): Cries When Angry Disorder. It can be a debilitating condition. It strikes most often at work. Precipitating factors include a boss or coworker who is a total jackhole. While other normal people can get ticked and tell these butt weasels just what they think of their jerky behavior, CWAD sufferers simply break down and cry upon confrontation. When provoked, the CWAD sufferer is no less angry than the normal person, but instead of coming off as assertive or indignant, people with CWAD present themselves as spineless babies when they’re infuriated.
In the CWAD sufferer’s head is a host of logic and corroborating evidence for their argument. But on their journey out of the brain and to the mouth, these messages are converted to a blubbering mess. Tears ignite and mucus flows. The CWAD sufferer tries desperately to save face and hold it together, and she does OK until forced to talk. Once it is her turn to argue, the blubbering begins.
But the CWAD sufferer is not sad! Far from it! She is super, super enraged! In someone else’s body, she might be throwing chairs. But for those afflicted with CWAD, the rage just comes out in the form of weak, weak tears and little gaspy breaths. The person against whom she is arguing, often a d-bag male boss, feels superior and as though he has won because he is so much tougher (The only teeny tiny positive side to CWAD is that women crying typically makes males, especially bosses, super uncomfortable, and they wrap up the confrontation more quickly.). The CWAD sufferer had outstanding arguments, but she walks away feeling defeated, because all those zingers she had planned really lost their luster between the Kleenexes.
After the confrontation (and by the way, CWAD sufferers NEVER initiate the confrontation because they know the weepy conclusion of such things), the CWAD sufferer rehashes all the things she should have said. She recites the clever one-liners and irrefutable evidence she should have presented with a straight face. She beats herself up over her weakness. She also must repair to the bathroom or some other secluded area and wait for her nose to stop being red.
Can we please come together and help find a cure for Cries When Angry Disorder? Millions of people (OK, mostly millions of women) lose face at work because of CWAD every year. There are so many d-bags who need to be put in their places but aren’t because the wisdom of CWAD sufferers isn’t being heard. It’s just being drowned in tears. Imagine how much better the world would be if those a-holes got a taste of their own medicine. When we cure CWAD, we will be so much closer to that dream.
Oh, and here’s my rough sketch of what the CWAD Foundation logo and motto should be:
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