I’ve been doing 2.5 people’s jobs lately and writing a whole lot of stuff for work (for which other people usually get to take all the credit), leaving little time to write for me. So my apologies for the delay in posting. But I hope this will be worth the wait.
Our current president has been a real inspiration to me on this one. It seems like every day, this thought bounces around his head: “Whom can I offend today with a thoughtless, baseless tweet?” (Well, I doubt he thinks the word “whom” because it’s pretty apparent his grammar proficiency stopped short well before the who/whom stage, which frankly few people ever reach. I only sort of get it because of a college editing class. What has become of our nation’s grammar education?!)
Anyway, in true style of our current president, I will offer tweetish-length (which are now 280 characters, ICYMI) controversial statements about my beliefs, one of which is sure to offend at least everyone I know. I do promise to refrain from politics and religion. Believe me, there are plenty of other things to vehemently disagree about and unfriend someone on social media for.
These are in order from least- to most-controversial, with the typeface also indicating the level of controversy:
* The Costco magazine is a pleasant read before bed, but some of the article’s ledes are really, really bad. Several read like the first assignment given in a college feature-writing class.
* I really like Panera, but it’s over-priced.
* Proficiency in a foreign language should be required for high school graduation. Get with the rest of the world, America.
* Stop putting fruit and meat together. You think it’s fancy, but no one really likes it.
* Babies’ ears should not be pierced. It’s mean and unnecessary.
* People who commute by bicycle are meaner and whinier than pretty much everyone else on social media. Surely this carries over to their life offline, as well. Second place: vegans.
* I have never met a home-schooled kid who seemed normal. Something just seems off about every single one I ever have interacted with, (yes, even those from the heavily lauded “co-ops”) leading me to believe K-12 home-schooling stunts social growth and exposure to alternative viewpoints and is therefore a bad idea. Those kids often are very smart and well-versed on certain topics but weird. Emotional intelligence is important, too.
* About 95 percent of people are annoyed by multi-level-marketing sales. The other 5 percent are in multi-level-marketing sales. Despite the flier’s promises, only three women actually make a living at it. (OK, OK, I do love some of the products, though, especially Norwex and Beauty Counter.)
* Celiac disease is a real thing. Gluten sensitivity is not.
* It is inhospitable to make people take their shoes off in your home unless it’s wet or muddy outside. (I have previously opined about this.)
* Similar to what was done to American Indians but for a much more legitimate reason, reservations should be created for parents who choose not to vaccinate their children. Their families either must live there or wear a shirt or facial tattoo that clearly identifies their status as potential transmitters of once-eradicated deadly diseases.
* Essential oils don’t do anything but smell good.
If you’re still friends with me, feel free to agree/disagree with me in the comments.
